“The only thing that is ultimately real about your journey is the step that you are taking at this moment. That’s all there ever is.”
― Eckhart Tolle
Every one of these posts come from my heart and soul. They are then processed by my brain and come out of my fingers onto a keyboard producing what you are reading now. This post today is challenging. It stirs up many emotions that I thought I locked away and melted the key. Processing these feelings and healing these traumas leads to growth. Being a parent is hard. If you are a parent reading this you are probably saying “No Sh*t.” We tell ourselves that we are doing our best, but are we? Can we be better for the lives we decided to bring into this world? This is the one thing I have been spending a lot of time pondering on. I do not want to be a complacent parent. I do not want to be a parent that leads by poor example. I do not want to describe my parenting as “pretty good.” My kiddos deserve better. My wife deserves better. I deserve to be better. Not perfect, which is unattainable. Striving for perfection, striving to be a little better everyday, we all can do.
For me, the “I do not want to be” that hits hardest and this post is centered around is…I do not want to be an absent father.
Being present both emotionally and physically is perhaps the most important thing you can do for your child. If you have been reading my post for a bit you know I am on a journey to instill peaceful parenting in our home. Here is the link to my previous post when I had a change of heart on my parenting style.
Time is the best present we can give our kids. We are all guilty of telling our kids to hold on one second while we mindlessly scroll through the feeds of people far less important than the little eyes staring back at us. I am not saying social media or your phone is a bad thing innately. It is a tool. A tool utilized appropriately is powerful and can build phenomenal things. Used improperly and it has the power to destroy.
I want to reiterate, parenting is hard. What will make it less hard? Be there for your kids. Connection based parenting. Kiddos have big feelings and it is our responsibility to help them navigate those tumultuous waters. Are they having a meltdown? Instead of freaking out and hitting your kids. Figure out the why behind the meltdown. If you are feeling triggered and emotional, as long as your kid is safe, it is okay to say “I am frustrated and I am going to go calm down. I will be right back.” And then come back. I don’t get this right all the time but I am trying to be mindful of how and why I am feeling my feelings. Letting them know they are being seen and heard is all any of us really want.
Our kids are little humans and they have bad days just like you and I. Sometimes they want to be left alone. Maybe they are hungry, or tired, or their stomach hurts, or fill in the blank. The important thing is that you are there.
Be there for a talk.
Be there for a hug.
Be there to tell him you are proud of him.
Be there when they are done with their alone time.
Just Be There. Good Days and Bad.
I know what you are thinking. I can’t be there all the time. I have work and other obligations. We need to work to provide for our families. No doubt about it. Don’t get me wrong, we need to do things for ourselves (exercise, time alone, writing, reading, etc.) so we can be our best self for our family. The times you are home, are you home? Are you present? Are you working on a side project or side job? Are you lost on your device? Is it crucial to do these things instead of spending time with your kids? Depending on the age of your kiddos, there will come a time when they no longer want you to kiss their owie or hold their hand for a dance party. Time is precious. It is the only non-renewable resource we have.
In the end you are not going to say you wished you worked more or spend more time on your devices.
“Today is our most precious possession. It is our only sure possession.”
― Dale Carnegie
Spend the time you have wisely. Quality outweighs Quantity. Put the phone down. Have that conversation. Give your kid a hug. Tell them how proud you are. Tell them and show them you love them.
Share and Subscribe with anyone who needs to hear this today. It takes a village to build an exceptional world, let’s start building.
Share your thoughts in the comments!
You bastard. This one had me on the verge of tears! As my wife and I look to have children in the very near future, these are topics that I have been thinking about quite a bit lately. I know it's not the same as reading this while having kids... but still very impactful.
Very well written, my friend!